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Bling for Elephants

March 28, 2017

I really wonder about us humans sometimes.

Yesterday, burglars broke into a museum in Berlin and stole a gold coin. Not just any gold coin. This was a monster weighing 100 kilos. It was cast in 2007 by the Royal Canadian Mint. Its nominal value is one million Canadian dollars.

Three questions come to mind.

First, why would anybody in their right mind create such an artefact, and call it a coin? It’s not as if you’d take it into a MacDonalds – on a fork lift truck presumably – and use it to buy a couple of Big Macs.

Second, why would anybody, having made the thing, stick it in a museum, where it can be stolen by Ocean’s Eleven? It will be melted down apparently, which would be entirely understandable given that the value of the gold is about four times the nominal value. In other words, turned back into ingots. And ingots, as most of us who have seen Goldfinger know, are kept in places like Fort Knox, where they’re stored behind six foot thick steel doors and protected by at least a dozen companies of Navy Seals with enough weaponry to defend a medium-sized city.

And finally, what’s the point? Apparently five were originally minted. For whom, and for what purpose? As bling for ceremonial elephants? As portable wealth for Mexican drug barons? I could understand someone using a spare stash of gold to create something aesthetically pleasing – a statue of the Buddha, perhaps, or a golden calf. But a coin?

But then I had a thought. I would bet at least a quarter-pounder with cheese that one of the proud owners has it mounted in a secret treasure room within his golden palace overlooking New York.

One of the world’s most ridiculous, vulgar and pointless lumps of metal would be perfect for the ridiculous, vulgar and pointless waste of space masquerading as the leader of the free world, would it not?

From → Business, Social, USA

  1. How dare you! You’re suggesting that this giant cunt-sized “coin” of Her Majesty the Queen of Englandland is in someway cunt related. Well that’s just absurd! All of the biggest cunts ever in the history of the wholeworld have had gigantic coins minted in their image. Some of them as big as concrete bus shelters. Don’t you know anything about Ancient Babylon? I think you should go back to school, and get your parents to up the fees for some additional tuition…

    • Er, I’m not sure I get your drift! You can’t be using the c-word in connection to the leader of the free world, can you? But thanks for your comment anyway. Sadly my parents died some while ago, so I have to rely on my own pathetic resources for self-education. And indeed, I know very little about Ancient Babylon, and I certainly wasn’t aware that they had concrete bus shelters. However Article 42 of the Hammurabi Code does come to mind: “If any one take over a field to till it, and obtain no harvest therefrom, it must be proved that he did no work on the field, and he must deliver grain, just as his neighbour raised, to the owner of the field.” Something for TLOTFW to bear in mind, wouldn’t you say? S

      • Hahaha! “Awesome”, in current parlance. I’ve never subscribed to a “blog” in my entire life (Or in my www existence anyway, which is all that really matters nowadays, I suppose?) You’re my first. You popped my cherry. But I don’t think there’s a better cherry popper out there. Your’s is the only blog worth losing one’s virginity over as far as I’m concerned. It’s fucking literate 🙂 🙂 Ronnie.

      • I had absolutely no idea what the acronym TLOTFW was supposed to mean, so I just looked it up using that Google thingie. The result was rather unpalatable I found, as linked. I must caution you that if you’re trying to “internet groom” me via your blog, you’re wasting your time. I’m all groomed-out from my time at school. My parents, who weren’t dead then, paid good cash money for my grooming, at one of the best grooming establishments (i.e. schools) in the whole of Englandland… And they used to send me a fat hamper on Christmastime too.

        TLOTFW… I don’t want to know about it. I’ll leave that stuff up to the Brexiteers.

  2. The Leader Of The Free World???

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