And wherever he went, Genghis Khan left no stone unturned

I am mightily inspired by this Churchillian tribute to the unfairly deposed American President, which I saw on Twitter (that temple of impartiality) a few days ago. So much so that I feel the need to honour Britain’s own heroes in similar fashion.

Nigel Farage: He freed his country from the chains of European tyranny and never let a principle get in the way of a decent pint.

Liz Truss: She boldly led her nation off a cliff to the sunlit uplands below (without a parachute).

Jacob Rees-Mogg: He selflessly put the interests of his nation before those of his hedge fund (usually)

Boris Johnson. A man of integrity and unquestioned truth-telling who never let a virus get in the way of a good party.

Dominic Raab (late entry): A kindly Justice Minister who suffered fools gladly (whether they were fools or not).

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the parochial byways of British politics, here are a few historical figures whose reputations might similarly be burnished had they the benefit of Mr Trump’s social media admirers:

Adolf Hitler: He might have made a few mistakes, but boy, did he put Nuremberg on the map.

Henry VIII: A great King who through unrelenting trial and error perfected the art of marriage.

Vlad the Impaler: A pioneer in the radical treatment of gastroenteritis.

Genghis Khan: As above.

Attila the Hun: An early innovator in the science of population control.

Nero: A Roman property developer who beautified his capital city (and wrote the music for Chariots of Fire).

Caligula: Did more for equine upward mobility than any Roman emperor before or since.

Goliath: He gave up his life to give the little guys a chance.

OK, some of these are a bit tame, which is probably why I’ll never have a career as a social media propagandist. But if you think you can do better, I welcome contributions!